Employee of the month!
Hello, long time lurker, less than occasional poster here but I can’t help it I’m overwhelmed. Rant incoming!
Been sober about as many days as I haven’t in 2021 starting with a dry January followed by a couple benders, buncha panic attacks and a psychotic break, finally having my last medicinal beer to defeat withdrawal on the 15th of March. Living alone, working night shift in a tumultuous long distance relationship that is now up in the air at best, or perhaps never to cross paths again with no contact til I get my life under control. 37 years old, drinking almost nightly for 20 years. I’ve found I have the most amazing support group including a family who have allowed me to stay on their couch in my early recovery. The Dad is an old friend, Mom is a bulldog, the teenager is awkward but helpful an I have eggs every morning with the little one who is so bizarre and spritely that my shitty mood, when I’m sad and angry after work, disappears. He once asked me during my breath work if I was ok and I said “no, but I am going to be” An informal rehab of sorts. I’ve been working every possible method to recover, exercise, 12 step, therapy, meetings, meditation and journaling. I know I am strong and may not need all of these but it’s better to have anyways. I am grateful for every day, every moment to be healing and taking this journey. I’ve found that without the ability to tune out, I only want to zone in! I’ve set no boundaries about MJ and video games but I’ve lost interest in favor of putting useful stuff in my head. My mantra in the 1st week was that of Winston Churchill, “what do you do when you’re going through hell? You keep going” Now the awesome part, I’ve been feeling more like a team player at work and last night got my picture taken to be put on the wall as EOTM!
I’ve found through caving and(bawling my eyes out)admitting that I can’t manage my own life alone, (as Mr Rodgers put it) the helpers, in addition to pushing out the haters. In addition to these awesome people I’ve been doing Wim Hof’s breathing exercises and cold showers to really kick my lizard, addicted mind’s ass. To show it who’s boss and know that even in supreme discomfort that I am in control and will live my life in the way my prefrontal cortex and my soul have agreed upon! Another excellent tool I’ve not seen mentioned here is Russel Brand’s Recovery: Freedom from our addictions. It’s the perfect humorous, atheistic introduction to the 12 steps. I’ve beat the shit out of my dopamine receptors for decades and it will take so much work to climb this mountain to recovery, but I am infinitely grateful to simply have the chance. 16 days towards a better life. It will be 17 tomorrow because IWNDWYT!