Long hard road out of hell

I finally reached 30 days after exactly what the title of this post says. I'm 43 now and have been drinking heavily since I was 18. It's been years of trying only to constantly fall down and start over again. I could never make it to 30 days yet here I am on day 31. After a bajillion day ones, AA, mental health counseling, doctor visits, a visit to the ER, mountains of shame and regret, and feelings of hopelessness I clawed my way out of hell and made it past the 30 day mark.

My mom passed away on April 7 of this year and I didn't drink. That had to be the toughest event that should have made me drink, but it didn't. Hell, I didn't even need a major life-changing event for an excuse to drink. If my eyes were open it was time to drink. I'm not exactly sure what happened but it finally stuck. I can only think of chapter 13 in This Naked Mind which is titled "Spontaneous Sobriety".

None of the things I tried helped me until I read that book along with a couple others. I had a sponsor in AA, attended meetings every day sometimes 3 times a day, worked on the steps, read the Big Book and none of it worked.

Reading This Naked Mind, Alcohol Lied to Me, and Alcohol Explained finally opened my eyes and gave me the understanding of what alcohol was doing to me. I also became truly honest with myself and took to heart a comment from u/BenIsProbablyAngry for pinpointing exactly what my intentions were. That [comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/comments/masciu/comment/grv5206?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3) was on my last day one. This sub has been so vital to the success I've had these past 30 days.

The journey is far from over, but today I have a little something to be proud of. I made it here one day at a time and I intend to keep going one day at a time. IWNDWYT!!!