I was doing well....really well. And then I celebrated, and then didn't stop.

Hi all,

Back on day 1. I've been on a really great stint--exercising every day, I recently got my PMP certification (project management), I have an interview lined up with a great company, and I already have a great job. I was sober from december through februry, nearly into march, and then I started 'casual drinking' again.

I felt like I was doing everything right, and between all the monotony of just crushing my goals, I got bored along the way.

I moved across the country by myself in october, and I have my dog, but I don't really know anyone here other than coworkers, and I'm high up enough where I can't make relationships too personal, everything topical, weather, food, exercise, bullshit bullshit bullshit. Making friends is hard enough without covid, or a 'buddy to introduce you to people', so I think I was secretly getting depressed.

I passed my PMP certification last week on Friday, and the stars aligned for 'go time'. Got 2 packs of well, whatever, and just proceeeded to absolutely tank myself into oblivion. Utter disregard for the person I built myself into, the relationships I have with people in my building, messy texts, oversharing, the whole 9. I segued into Saturday, and because of my normal exercise habits I was up at 530AM, cracked whatever was left and off I went to the races for numero dos. Sunday was no better. I felt sick but I drank anyway, cuz thats what I do.

I do this every time. I am an unabashed alcoholic, there is no "I'll have one", no, its lets get ruined, 0 cares about consequences.

and I find all the behavior I avoid and all the things I try not to be just bubble over, because maybe that will find me companionship or some fucked up way of thinking.

I don't talk to my old friends from the other coast, when I was at my lowest, they all abandoned me. I don't blame them, but I don't forgive them either.

I don't talk to my family for other reasons, and I feel really isolated and alone a lot. I know I need to build healthy habits back up, so today, I'm not drinking, and I'll look for other ways to get back into the world, because alcohol brings nothing good to my life.

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Thanks for listening.