I feel like garbage

I went almost 4 weeks last month without drinking. I quit because my drinking was getting really out of hand (even more than "normal") and I spent most of my waking hours hung over until I could drink again after work. I snuck alcohol for months, lying to my fiance - I felt terrible about it but didn't stop. It came to a head when I broke my foot. I was so wasted. I would not have fallen had I been sober. 4 weeks AF. I felt good. I dropped a few pounds and was eating better. I was more alert and had more energy. But then I started drinking again. I got so drunk last night. I passed out in front of my fiance. He saw me vomit while I was lying on the floor. I'm sad and ashamed. I don't want this.