Accidentally had a puff of nicotine

I was in Amsterdam a couple weeks ago. As I’m sure most of you know, weed is legal there and can be purchased from “coffee shops” all over the city.

What you may not know is that if you buy a “joint” from a coffee shop, it will more likely than not contain tobacco as well (what I have always called a “spliff” in the states) unless you order one “pure,” which isn’t even an option at many shops.

I only had to take one drag to know something wasn’t right. You don’t forget that taste, even if it’s been 3+ years. I handed it to my friend who confirmed it contained tobacco, and immediately put it out.

A few seconds later, the nicotine rush hit me like a ton of bricks. We were walking outside and I started stumbling like I was drunk and had to hold myself up against a tree. I couldn’t believe how hard it came on. When I was quitting I remember reading that 1-2 puffs is enough to flood over half of your brain’s nicotine receptors, and I definitely believe it now.

It took me years and years of trying to quit before I was successful. When I was finally ready to quit 3 years ago, it was an easy, almost enjoyable experience. I have not spent the last few years thinking about cigarettes. In fact most of the time I forget I ever smoked at all. But after that one puff, I spent the rest of the day with at least part of my brain telling me I should go pick up a pack. After all, I was on vacation right?

Very thankfully I know how nicotine works, and I could see the mind games for what they were. I’m a little upset that I ruined my 1000+ day streak, but at the same time it was a nice reminder of how easy it would be to get sucked back in. If I had a full cigarette, I would have a pack in my pocket by the end of the day, guaranteed. It’s never “just one,” and I will never knowingly smoke nicotine in any form again. Life is was better on the other side and I aim to keep it that way.

To everyone that has some smoke free time under their belts- keep up the absolutely amazing work! And to anyone still struggling, keep at it and keep trying. I can’t tell you how many months I spent going most of the day without smoking, only to walk to a gas station at 10pm, chain smoke 5 cigarettes and throw the rest in a trash can, only to repeat the same exact process the next day. Even if it seems impossible I promise you can do it, and I promise it’s worth it.

And if you go to Amsterdam, be careful!