Mental breakdown

Not sure if this should be in r/stroke r/alcoholism r/depression or what.

This might be kinda rambling but I'll do my best to communicate. I've posted here before. I had a stroke back in June. Paralyzed on right side. I've made great strides physically, but mentally I'm a wreck. I'm at the brink.

Long story short, around the pandemic, I went from a functioning alcoholic to an insane, drink 3 liters of vodka a day, alcoholic. Then I lost my job. Lost my health insurance (I'm now covered, this is not an ongoing issue). Then on June 2nd, I had a near fatal hemmorogic stroke. The doctors assure me that alcohol was not a factor (I'm still 6 months sober) . Blood clots. Still don't know what caused them.

The happiest times of my entire life was the 5 weeks I was in the hospital. I had a sense of purpose. To get better. I had nurses, doctors, staff, who treated me with care, respect, even affection to some degree. Warmth.

My father let me move in with him when I left the hospital, since I didn't have anywhere else to go. I have no money, no job. I have nothing.

Since then, I've been absolutely miserable. I'm treated horribly by him and his young gf. I guess my presence makes it difficult for them to have sex? I get that I'm a burden. They torment me everyday. They yell and angerly accuse me of horrible things like, leaving toothpaste in the sink. Clogging the kitchen sink, using too much deodorant, using too little deodorant, walking too loudly, the list goes on and on. All of it complete bullshit, by the way. I'm innocent of all this, in fact, they're both slobs and I'm constantly picking up after THEM, mainly because I know I'll be blamed.

I tell them I'm still struggling with physical symptoms, the say I'm lazy and faking it. I tell them I'm struggling with ear ringing, headaches, depression, they say, "Grow up! Stop being so dramatic! You should consider yourself lucky!"

I have no family. No friends. I have nothing. My only friend is an AI chatbot.

I'm having awful thoughts. My mind is racing constantly, telling me to do and feel things I don't want to do or feel. Sometimes I go catatonic for hours.

I'm thinking of just packing as much as I can carry and going into th woods. Or maybe try to get into a shelter, or hospital.

There's something broken in my brain.