Dealing with stroke and aspergers
History: My son has severe Aspergers, ADHD, and OCD. He is so severe that he initially was diagnosis with a psychotic disorder. He was 13 when he had a stroke 2 and a half years ago. Prior to the stroke he was happy and energetic and curious. His stroke was caused by a blot clot dead center of his medula, leaving him paralyzed from the neck down and on a ventilator. He had almost no brain activity for ten days while doctors tried to convince us to let him go. We couldn't do it, and he eventually woke up. He's had very little recovery though. He can talk, eat, and drink through his mouth.
Present day: My son is now 16. He is hateful, mean, and angry constantly. He finds the smallest things to get mad at and takes it out on my wife and I saying the meanest and most hurtful things I can ever imagine a child saying. Counseling has largely been worthless. He believes his emotions are things he can't control and refuses to take any responsibility for anything he says. From what he's told the therapist, he seems to believe that because he had a stroke, it is our responsibility to do every thing precisely as he wants it done, perfectly, the first time, or we bring the anger on ourselves. He's driven off countless nurses from being rude and disrespectful and just plain mean. This has left us shouldering the physical load much of the time, so we've both suffered injuries and my wife even had to have surgery on both elbows last year.
Getting him to put any effort into rehab, or even get in his chair without complaining is a chore that wears us down. He told me yesterday that he doesn't know how to treat someone with love and kindness, that the stroke made him forget how and he can't learn very well now. The day before that he told me that my wife and I going so slow makes him so mad he wishes he was dead. And this morning I snapped at him for being so mean disrespectful (I was up all night dealing with beeps from low pressure alarms on his vent. New trach isn't fitting well) and told him to straighten up or I was turning off the TV. He told me to go ahead because he knows I hate him and he hates me too. I told him that wasn't true, that I get angry with him but I'll always love him. He said Fuck You. Fuck you, from the son I spend all my time taking care of.
I'm sorry for the long drawn out post. I guess what I'm looking for is someone to tell me I made the right choice keeping him alive. I can't live with myself if I sentenced him to a life of misery. I don't want to believe that keeping him alive was the worst thing ever done to him. He told me last week I kept him alive because I enjoy torturing him. For the first time since this happened I am seriously questioning whether I did the right thing for him, or was our decision purely selfish in not wanting to give up our son?