March 9th, 2013. /r/AnimalsBeingJerks. You ate the whole wheel of cheese!?
#/r/AnimalsBeingJerks
**17,266** subscribers for **14 days**
Subreddit of the day mods are required to write an introduction for any sub they feature, but if you can't get an idea of this sub just from the name, then I hang my head in shame.
If you haven't grasped the concept yet - it's about posting pictures, GIFs, and video of animals being jerks/mean/troublesome.
That is really all there is to it. So, for added content, I will relay a story of my dog.
My dog, Muhammad Ali, is a brown boxer, hence the name Muhammad Ali. He floats like a butterfly and stings like a bee, but what else can I say about that little bitch Ali...
Muhammad is just a pup, so he tends to be troublesome: biting, pooping, pissing, etc. One day in particular, he was even more of a bother than usual. I got home from work to discover Ali had gotten into the garbage, as evidence by the Snickers wrappers, juice boxes, coffee filters, etc., strewn about on the floor.
I followed the mysterious trail of trash to the master bedroom. Where I expected to see guilty puppy eyes, yet I was met with the glazed look of an oblivious dog.
"Ali, look what you did!" I said with the sternness and directness of a SS officer.
He smiled and panted back unabashed.
I would not stand for this. I picked him up and hauled him off to his kennel, so he could concentrate and think about what he did. I left him for the night, to sleep upon his actions.
The next morning I woke him up at dawn. Rather, he woke me up with his incessant barking, I just let him out of the kennel. I opened the back door and stepped outside with him. Ali ran down the balcony stairs and took a piss in the backyard. I also contributed to the morning dew, but I graced the grass blades from above on the balcony - showering the grass like a golden fountain. I did it the R. Kelly way, as any gentleman would.
That was the calm before the war. A time of mutual respect for one another's duty.
I opened the door to the house, and we stepped inside. I went into the kitchen to set up a garbage bag, then I whistled for Ali. When Ali got in, he froze in his tracks.
I locked eyes with him and said "Ali, I know you're just a dog, but you have to know better than to get into the trash. That's why I've set this scenario up. You see you have to choose. It's me or the garbage. Whichever one you choose know that it will affect the rest of your life."
Ali stared back at me. A stare of understanding that only a dog listening to a human speak English can have. He nodded. Then, slowly made his way over to me, only to shit on my slippers before jumping into the trash can and tearing it apart.
Then he fucked my girlfriend.
Okay, now that that's over with - here is the interview with Iamducky, moderator of /r/AnimalsBeingJerks, among other popular reddits.
>##1) Even though a relatively simple sub to understand, is there anything you need to let new subscribers know?
>> **Iamducky:** Hm. I wish people would be a little more specific with their titles - it makes it hard for other people to search and see if their image has been submitted before if everyone titles their links "What a jerk!" Other than that, nope! The community has been pretty cool.
>##2) How were you able to gain subscribers so rapidly?
>> **Iamducky:** A few cross posts from our subreddit made it to the top 10 on all. /u/Tara1 did an awesome job posting and I just helped direct her a little bit. I have a little guide over at /r/moderatorduck that I use that's helped me grow /r/isjewboymarriedyet, this one, and now /r/googlepoems very well.
>##3) Do you have any pets? Are they assholes?
>> **Iamducky:** I have a dog named Tupelo. He is the sweetest dog in the world - definitely not an asshole!
>##4) Are there any particular posts, good or bad, that stand out in your mind?
>> **Iamducky:** None in particular. There's just been so many!
>##5) Since you're the expert, why do you think animals tend to be jerks?
>> **Iamducky:** Most aren't jerks IMO, they're just clumsy. We humans just tend to get in their way!
>##6) Is it true that alligators are ornery because of their medulla oblongata? Is that what makes them jerks?
>> **Iamducky:** Alligators are jerks because they get stepped on all the time! I think they deserve it for lying in the mud next to my feets.
>##7) I don't normally play the username game, but I noticed your username is Iamducky. Are you a duck? Are you a duck that's a dick?
>> **Iamducky:** I am a duck. I think I'm a nice duck, though:P
>##8) Besides posting GIF propaganda against them, how do you propose to end the tyranny of the animals?
>> **Iamducky:** Post videos!
>##9) Who let the dogs out? Who? Who?
>> **Iamducky:** It was Jerry.
>##10) Finally, is there anything else you would like to add?
>> **Iamducky:** Come check out /r/googlepoems! Go eat an english muffin pizza!