Rocking onsite free candy van

Back when we were still doing rounds inside the building and a few parking lot checks, I'm off on the far side of the site checking the out building when I hear on the radio: "Security? There's a..ummmm..van in the front parking lot that is rocking. There's also a crowd around it." Me, "Oh yeah. Here we go. Idiots rocking a vehicle and trying to roll it over." (Was a rash of this kind of thing in the area at the time.) So I haul ass across the site with the thought that there's multiple trespass, vehicle vandalism, that sort of thing going on. **If only that was the case**. I arrive in the parking lot and find the crowd isn't touching the big white Free Candy Van that is rocking wildly enough that the suspension is protesting. I move closer to puzzle this out and note cattle like noises coming from the van. "*Moomph moomph moomph moomph moomph*". What the hell? The "privacy" curtains on the back windows parts just enough to let everyone know what the source of the sound is. I will say this, when people find love with whomever it is, it is a wonderful thing. However, it's impolite to do your sweaty naked wrestling in the back of your van at work even if you look like a stone Adonis. Which neither of the ladies did. I had no trouble convincing the crowd to disperse, helps if the boning they were listening to was between individuals of less than pleasing visual aesthetics than what they were hoping for. Then let the ladies know afterwards, "that might come back to bite you later. Depends which supervisor gets wind of it." They went back in, clocked in, and went back to work. I weighed my options, as always at this site. Decided I needed more coffee. Sidenote, their supervisor who loudly and "*righteously*" yelled at them got nailed later for boning a subordinate on the break room table directly in front of a CCTV camera. Lots of shenanigans onsite, thankfully not our problem now that we're not in the building anymore. But the Free Candy Van will live on.