Slippery cards and other tales...

This is from my time at a call center where I had two different roles: * Doing reservations for a car rental company where we'd sometimes get a call from a customer whose car had broken down or something. For those customers, we'd take their contact information and do some basic research as to the source of the problem, then hand them off to the actual line intended for that purpose (reason for that: The line was a bit unstable and sometimes we'd lose the customer while forwarding - this way we could call them back). * The other role was tech support for a cable company providing both basic TV, pay tv and internet.

With that in mind, here are some of the highlights which either happened to me (Me) or to a colleague (Co).

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Me: Hello, this is car rental XY! Cu: My car doesn't work anymore! Me: Okay, no problem, we can get a replacement to you if you tell me who you are, where you are and a phone number. Cu: Well, I am... [huge honking truck drives by the customer and I can't understand a word] Me: Sir, could you maybe get into your car so it is quieter and I can better understand you? Cu: That is not possible. Me: Why? Cu: The car's on fire.

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Co: Hello, this is cable company YZ! Cu: Well, I requested a *certain* pay-per-view movie and it says here: "Movie needs to be unlocked!" [Now, due to protection of minors, pay-per-view adult hardcore movies could only be watched with a second smartcard. Sometimes the customer would insert the wrong one into the receiver - that's why we always ask them to pull them out and read the serial number to us] Co: Okay, could you pull out the smartcard and read the serial number to me? Cu: That is not possible. Co: Erm, why? Cu: I've already got lube all over my body!

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[The rules of the rental company for high value cars like a Phaeton, Maybach or similar cars were simple: You have to be at least 25 years of age, you have to register secondary drivers and you may not drive to Eastern Europe, Italy or Great Britain (insurance reasons)] Me: Hello, this is car rental XY! Cu: My name is Guy Pearce and I've locked myself out of the car! Me: Okay, could you give me the plate number of the car? Cu: Well, it's xx-xxx-2000 [The car rental for a Phaeton was by a guy named Bob Pearce aged 25] Me: Hmmh, here it says that someone else rented this car. Cu: Oh, yes, that's my older brother Bob. He rented the car because I wasn't old enough yet. Me: Aha. And where exactly are you at the moment? Cu: In Florence. Me: Italy, right? Cu: Yeah. Me: Please hold the line. [short talk with my supervisor] Me: Okay, is there a train station nearby? Cu: Yeah. So, what do we do now? Me: **We** do nothing. What I'm going to do: Call a towing company which will transport our car back to Germany. **You** are taking the train home and getting the bill for the towing. By the way: Tell your brother that he's on our permanent blacklist now, as are you. Have a nice day.