They're spying on me!
Alright, storytime from when I worked at the worlds worst ISP... TL, DR, Can you read the round dots?
I worked as upper level tech support, getting the cases tier1 and tier2 couldn't fix...
phone beeped, as it does to alert me someone wants to talk to me, and I go through my company required paragraph introduction, about how I'm here to help you, and save the day, then give you a loving kiss on the forehead as I tuck you in for the night.... then I hear silence. Nothing. well, almost nothing... I hear a very faint whisper just real quiet like... so, I inquire if someone is there, can I help you?
The whisper comes back, only slightly louder this time... Me: I'm sorry, I'm having a hard time hearing you, Her: (still whispering, but at least audible right now) They're listening, we have to keep this conversation quiet. Me: Who's listening? Her: SSSShhhhh KEEP QUIET THEY'LL HEAR..... (back to whispering) I'm being hacked. I can hear them on the phones. little clicks and beeps. I know they're there. Me: ( slightly quieter voice, this is not my first rodeo with someone who doesn't understand how internet and phones work) What seems to be the problem? Who am I speaking with? Her: I can't say, they'll know then... I already told you, I'm being hacked. I think they're outside cutting into my phonelines... Me: well, if you can just give me your first name, and last initial, I can start account verification... Her: Helen J Me: ok, would it be ok for me to call you Helen? Her: No, I prefer Mrs. Jones... Me: ... Ok... No Problem Mrs Jones
It is at this point, I send a message to my manager that I have an interesting call that I might need help on... He sends a message back saying "yeah, I got it on speaker back here, and we're all cracking up.... Just keep doing your thing, and don't forget to verify the account..." Thanks for the support Chris, you're one in a million
Me: I will need to verify your passcode before I can open your account. Can you please let me know what that is? Her: I can't tell you that, Then they'll know! I know they're listening right now! Me: well, if you're afraid of this, what I can do, is verify the account, then put a note on it saying not to accept the current passcode. Then tomorrow morning, you can go into a local store, and have them update your passcode... but without it, I can't get the account open, and won't be able to fully assist you with your issues. Her: They'll hack my cell phone and get the passcode from me again as soon as I leave the store! Plus, what's going to keep them from going in and changing it before I can get there?" Me: Well, we require a photo ID, as well as a copy of your bill to make an account change like that. I can also note the account that no one should change the passcode until you show up to change it... Her: <very rushed, and muffled> 3432 Me: Alright, one moment while I pull open your account please...
It is at this time a large information flash pops up on her account.... a rather long one, appended multiple times, by multiple departments...
\-3/22/xxxx-Member says being hacked, hung up phone when I asked her who she thought was hacking her. tried calling back, no answer. Modem went offline shortly after. \-3/23/xxxx-Member called in on cell phone, said computer not working, and digital phone service not working. I noted her modem was down, and asked her to reset it. she said it was unplugged. asked her to plug back in, member screamed I'm the hacker, and hung up. \-3/24/xxxx-Member demanded we send dispatch to check for hackers on line When tried to set date, she refused to tell me when worked, because hacker would just not be there at that time. hung up.
\-3/26/xxxx Field tech called in, member modem was missing. Found in closet, along with cable boxes. set equipment back up, looked around for hackers. assured customer none were here.
\-3/28/xxxx Field manager called in, DO NOT DISPATCH UNTIL YOU VERIFY MEMBER HAS NOT UNPLUGGED MODEM AND HID IN CLOSET AGAIN. 5TH DISPATCH FOR SAME ISSUE
​
Well... this just got interesting fast... and of course from the back of the office, I hear my manager laughing as the account flash shows up on his end, followed by "Hey Sonya, come check this out" Seriously, thanks for the help there Chris...
Me: ok, Mrs Jones, I see in your account history that -
Her: DID YOU HEAR THAT CLICK!! <whispering>they're back in there... it's illegal for them to do this... tell them it's illegal to do this...
Me: uhh... It's illegal for hackers to do what they're doing.
Her: tell them you'll find them...
Me: ... well, we will find you... We can do that
her: THAT'S RIGHT YOU BASTARDS HE'S GOING TO FIND YOU, AND THEN YOU'RE GOING TO GO TO PRISON FOR A LONG TIME! HA! TAKE THAT!
Me: Alright, so what else can I help you with today?
Her: My TV isn't working, and my phone isn't working... I had to call in on my cellphone!
​
I quickly check her modem status, and it is of course offline.
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Me: I notice your modem is unplugged... can you check for me and see if the power has come unplugged from it?
Her: I unplugged it so they would quit hacking my computer!!
Me: well, your modem is where your phone services come from as well. If it's offline, then your phone services won't work. It's also not possible for them to hack your phone line, because it's digitally encrypted, then sent from your modem directly to our system office, where it is directly connected to the person on the other side...
Her: ... ... ... YOU KNOW THEY HAVE THE BOXES THAT READ THE ROUND DOTS!!!
Me: ... Ummm
Her: YOU'RE ONE OF THEM AREN'T YOU!!
Me: no, no, of course not. Her: I KNEW I SHOULDN'T HAVE GIVEN YOU MY PASSCODE!
Me: as I said, you can go to the store tomorrow, and get that changed. If you plug your modem back in, your phone services will begin working again. If you leave your computer off, there's no way they can hack into it.
Her: Oh, they're tired of seeing me at the store!
​
It is at this point, she hangs up on me, and my manager calls me to his office to give me a call observation (in Jest) about how I could have improved my customer service in this situation, and provided a better resolution to the service... I told him to give me one of the boxes that reads the round dots.