The Banquets of King Eplear: The King of Alinor
*From "Folklore of Cormount" (University of Gwylim, 2E 564), a compilation of regional songs and legends about the early Camoran Dynasty.*
------
...and having unified all of the Valenwood under his throne, His Majesty sent messages across Tamriel, proclaiming himself King of the Bosmer and Protector of the Valenwood, and making offers of trade and alliance to his fellow kings.
Alas, his message was not well received in the royal court of Alinor.
"Who is this 'King Eplear' to talk to us with such arrogance? A lesser mer of lesser blood pretending to be equal to the heirs of Auri-El", complained the King of the Altmer. "A crown of leaves does not make one a king and the cities of Valenwood are our vassals by ancient right. This is rebellion. We must assemble the fleet and teach our diminutive cousins a lesson in loyalty that they will never forget."
As the Altmer king decreed, a powerful fleet arrived to the shores of the Valenwood. With their mages and their catapults, they rained fire over the trees, burning entire forests to the ground.
The people cried in anguish and urged King Eplear to do something.
"Your Majesty, the Green is suffering! Perhaps it would be better to submit, to kneel before the King of Alinor as our ancestors did in the past. Otherwise, the Valenwood will be reduced to cinders."
"We shall not submit", answered King Eplear. "Y'ffre gave us the Green Pact to protect the Valenwood. If we surrender every time an enemy threatens the trees, we will be inviting more enemies to do the same. We must show them that the Bosmer can protect our home. Let us bring the fight to the Altmer in their boats."
"But how? The Green Pact dictates that we must not harm a tree, not even for our survival, and we cannot build a ship just with branches."
"My faithful advisor, what are ships but wooden homes? And how do we make our homes? Call for every Spinner in the realm and make them sing a song of war and sea. Y'ffre will provide."
Soon King Eplear had a fleet at his command, each ship a living tree grown from the mangroves and the jungles near the shore. Truth be told, the Bosmer were not good sailors at the time, and they risked much by facing the Altmer in their element. But the enemy was caught completely by surprise, and by the time they tried to muster an appropriate response, the quick arrows of the Bosmer had killed most of their mages and captains. King Eplear himself boarded the royal flagship, fighting the King of Alinor in a duel to the death.
A week later, the people of Alinor woke up with their port blockaded by the Bosmer fleet.
King Eplear could have destroyed the city if so he wished, but instead he renewed his offer of friendship. With their king dead and their navy sunk, the Altmer had no choice but to admit defeat and recognize Valenwood’s independence. Prisoners were exchanged, treaties of mutual assistance were signed, and a big banquet was arranged at King Eplear's ship to celebrate the peace between their nations. The eldest son of the late king and a noble entourage represented Alinor, while King Eplear invited his greatest generals and the wisest Spinners.
"It is a pleasure to meet you, King of Alinor", greeted King Eplear.
"I am not the king yet", the prince corrected him. "Only after the rites of Ceremoniarchy are completed will I be crowned. But my word is sacred and the treaties I sign are guaranteed by the Sages of the Crystal Tower. Our dynasties are pledged to each other, from now until the end of time."
The banquet started, with the royal cooks bringing dish after dish of Bosmeri delicacies. Sadly, the mood of the Altmer was still somber after their humiliating defeat, so they did not show much appetite. Not even the most delicious rotmeth could entice their grief-stricken stomachs. Thankfully, King Eplear had predicted this reaction and had the main course, a serving of meat, prepared in the Altmeri way. The familiar smells brought a smile to the Altmer.
"Delicious", the prince said after taking a bite, followed by the rest of his courtiers.
"I am glad to hear it", King Eplear said. "We were not sure if the meat of the fallen could be preserved properly after the battle, but we can always count on the magic of the Spinners. It was worth the effort so that we could all partake in honoring the dead."
The prince opened his eyes.
"You mean, this meat…?"
"Yes, this is your father. He was a fearsome enemy, but also a valiant warrior. It is only fair that he is given the place of honor in our banquet. The other tables contain the meat of other brave soldiers that fought for your country."
Immediately after hearing this, the prince of Alinor vomited. And when word of King Eplear’s words reached the other tables, so did the rest of the Altmer.
Several Bosmer took their weapons, angry that the guests were insulting King Eplear’s hospitality by throwing up the contents of their lavish banquet. His Majesty, however, ordered them to stay put and said:
"Many are the cultures of Tamriel and many are their customs. How do we know this is not the way the Altmer honor their ancestors? Their behavior may look bizarre and disrespectful to us, but it could well be a sign of love for the departed. To judge our new allies because their traditions do not fit our standards says more about our ignorance than about their barbarism."
Everyone agreed that King Eplear's words were wise and returned to the celebrations, whereas the Altmer kept vomiting until the banquet ended.