Skyrim Anniversary Edition Book Review: The Crimson Dirks is actually really good!
The majority of the texts added to the Skyrim Anniversary Edition are very functional bits to get you through your quests to pick up your new suit of armour, weapon, or fish variety. I had absolutely no expectations for a good book to be among the additions. And yet, a few paragraphs into [The Crimson Dirks](https://en.uesp.net/wiki/Skyrim:The_Crimson_Dirks), I knew I'd found one.
*The Crimson Dirks* is the tale of the rise and fall of a bunch of bandits in Cyrodiil. It goes along with Kris Takahashi's Alternative Armors, and you can find and fight a lot of the named bandits to get the armor. But the story is about their life before they separated and hid in Skyrim, and it's so much fun! It's not perfect. I spotted a lot of typos and it definitely needed a copy-editor, but that's nothing new in TES books.
However, it's fresh, funny, interesting, and explores everyday life in Fourth Era Tamriel in a way I haven’t seen before. Let me quote some choice passages to encourage you to read it yourselves.
A very Dunmer form of charity:
> The Dunmer had no real name to speak of. Some speculated he was once a noble, having abandoned his titles and claims for a new one. Others believed he was with the Morag Tong, assassins having little use for their birth name. Tyra, meanwhile, had first met the brigand as a child begging in the streets. The Dark Elf had fixed his blood red eyes upon this orphan girl, ashen and starved, and deigned to fill her alms bowl. > > When she looked down, she found neither food nor gold, but a knife. > > "This isn't a gift, little netch," the Dunmer cautioned, throat scarred with ash, "your first score belongs to me."
Some lore on the Thalmor in Elsweyr, delivered in a very memorable fashion.
> "Well, the Clan Mothers are allies of the Dominion. Their eyes are all-seeing, and their punishments are known to all who hear the screams." > > "And what do you think about that, furball?" Erwan interrupted, eyes focused on the Khajiit, "are you a fan of the Dominion? Do you have paintings at home of Lady Arannelya in fancy lace?" > > "Khajiit does not care for politics," he said, raising the pot, "He is sorry to have brought it up."
A most embarrassing encounter for a Thalmor Justiciar
>A Thalmor Justiciar, flanked by two guards, had dragged the Nord butcher from his stall, accusing him Talos worship. > > The Justiciar tore open the butcher's tunic, but found only an Amulet of Mara. The butcher replied with a toothy grin, asking the Thalmor if she was spoken for. The Justiciar, digusted, tossed the butcher into his stall before returning to her patrol.
Lots of general hilarity
> "I only lost because you distracted me," barked Antonius, "with that inhaling and exhaling thing you do with your nose." > > "Do you mean breathing?" asked Edward. > > "Yes, that."
And
> "The trail ends here," Aesrael said, motioning to the trunk of the looming oak. > > "Maybe the tree ate him," quipped the Bosmer, his Argonian partner Pale-Eyes trailing behind him. > > "You jest, Ehlhiel," replied Pale-Eyes, "but in this one's village, there is a story of a Hist, corrupted by magic, that would kidnap and devour the hatchlings." > > "Okay, I have to ask," the Bosmer replied, "Why are there so many stories about monsters that eat children? Are parents so inept they have to constantly frighten their young into behaving, or are children really that delicious?" > > "I feel like as a Bosmer," countered the Argonian, "you would know better than I."
There’s a meandering fun plot involving framing the Thalmor, acquiring a cursed ring, messing with the Penitus Oculatus, with a cast of eccentric characters who deserved better than to mostly end up dead in Alternative Armors quests. But once you’ve read their story, you can go on a detective trip around Skyrim figuring out what happened to the characters after the story ends.