TIFU and cut thru a row parking’s end cap island to get to gym faster.

Obligatory this happened a while ago before Covid. I use to go to the gym 4-5 times a week for roughy 2 hrs per. My morning routine would be to consume 2 Krispy Kreme glazed donuts and wash it down with a can of monster 30 mins prior to working out. This newly found recipe for massive amounts of energy proved to work every single time. I would do this for days that I lift heavy, which is about everyday, but I’ve noticed that I tend to workout hard for 3hrs or so each time I use this recipe. So now I’m totally jacked and off to the gym I go.

I arrived at the gym on a gloomy Sunday morning with a good chance of rain and the gym is packed! Fearing having to walk in the rain to get to my car when I leave I make a few rounds in search of the closest parking spot and like magic it appears. It so happens the parking space is the closest one available to the gym other than handicap. My lucky day so I thought.... These typical parking setup have these end cap islands that hosts a few plants and what not I guess it’s to separate the thru traffic from the end parking spaces. It also is landscaped to be low maintenance, the ground in between the plants were filled and covered with wood chip/pine bark fillings (important for later). So I cut thru this island to save me what? 5 seconds of having to walk around it? I mean it was only 3 steps to get thru. But I was anxious to unleash my fury upon the gym equipment.

I check in at the front desk and the receptionist greeted me with a warm welcome. I proceed to my first exercise towards the front of the gym. As I was finishing up my sets I noticed the smell of shit. So I looked around angrily trying to figure who the hell crop dusted me. In losing focus I left that machine and proceeded to the next towards the middle of the gym. As I am working out, that phantom smell of dead bodies was following me. So I try to keep notice of who I am closest to that I’ve seen at the other machine as I try to figure out wtf they had for dinner. There were a lot of suspicious looking folks who matched the profile of a crop duster as I silently blame them for the horrid act. The human indecency and disrespect of fellow gym goers I thought. As I got to my 3rd machine which is now in the back of the gym, this was a vertical row machine where you lay horizontal chest down as you pull the weights towards your body. This machine required me to step onto and as I am working out the haunting smell of shit made me lose confidence in myself and I wondered if I shitted myself and not know it?

Then as I am looking down at my feet I notice some mud chunks on my right shoe. No.... could this be??? Shit??? My fear started to come true. Thankfully it didn’t come from me, but it looked and smelled awfully like dog shit. Now There were large chunks of dog shit on the step of that row machine and all over the floor around me. I quickly looked around to recount my steps and assess the damage. There was a trail of muddy dog shit that led to every machine I’ve been on and ultimately end up where I was at. This ranged from one end of the gym to the other. It looked as if a dirty dog played in mud and then dragged his muddy feet all over the house. My face turned pale as I rushed TF out of the gym in horror and towards my car while not making any eye contact. As I exited the gym the receptionist who greeted me also bid me farewell. I made haste and did not look back.

Going back to the crime scene, lying camouflaged in the wood chips was a giant pile of dog shit that looked like it was trampled on by yours truly. It even had my shoe tread mark pattern. There was no denying it. I quickly left and didn’t bother to return to that location for quite some time.

TLDR: Stepped on a giant pile of dog shit camouflaged in landscaping tree bark/wood chips and unknowingly dragged it all over the gym.