Feeling guilty about toddler sleep

Ugh maybe my emotions are just flaring because I’m about to get my period but I’m feeling so guilty.

My 18mo has always been a terrible sleeper. I have had to lay with him every single night until he falls asleep and recently his average has been 2-3 wakeups a night (used to be WAY more). More often than not it doesn’t take toooo long for him to fall asleep (10-15 mins) but every so often it climbs up into the 45min range. It’s so frustrating because he’ll be so tired and clearly about to fall asleep but fighting to keep his eyes open.

Last night after 45 mins and not falling asleep, I kissed him goodnight and left the room so I could cool off for a few minutes. He cried his head off for 5 mins then fell asleep. I felt so guilty. And then… he slept for 7 hours straight! He has NEVER done that before. Only had 1 wake up last night!

Tonight, I told him as we started our snuggles that I’ll snuggle for 20 minutes but if he’s still not asleep that I’m going to leave and let him fall asleep by himself. Well 20 mins go by and he’s still fighting it, so I laid him down kissed him goodnight and left. Again he cried, hard, for about 90 seconds and then passed out.

I just hate leaving him to cry. I know both times have been so short but I feel terrible, like he feels like I’m abandoning him. But then again, if putting himself to sleep is linked to the longer sleep cycles, I can’t pass that up I NEED more sleep. But… he’s only so little for so long and one day I’ll miss the snuggles and cuddling him to sleep.

Ugh just a vent I guess. Feeling guilty about leaving him and then feeling guilty that I feel satisfied when it works. And feeling pre-guilty for the future when I’ll miss these days lol.

Am I doing the right thing? Should I suck it up and stay until he falls sleep knowing this phase is ultimately so short? Or if I keep this up, does anyone have any tips to make the me leaving part less painful (for the both of us lol)