my life with autistic toddler

he wants to go outside to play, but it's cold and raining, so i need to get his clothes on

he tantrums and bangs his head against the glass door multiple times, screaming

i manage to calm him down and lay him on the floor so i can get his diaper and clothes on. diaper. socks. the pants make him lose his mind. he starts to yank them down while screaming, his face is going red.

i try explaining that he can play outside in the cold and rain if he just get his clothes and boots on. the bare minimum. i wont even bother with the rain jacket or a hat.

he screams. he doesn't care. he doesn't understand.

he rolls on the floor, red faced screaming, crying, tears are rolling down both our faces now. he gets angry at me and starts to scratch my chest as he pulls my shirt away, desperately reaching for my breasts. i weaned him 3 months ago but he still wants it. he can't get at them because of my bra. he's getting angrier. he scratches my skin, he bangs his head against my chest and shoulders as he continues to scream.

it hurts, so i finally snap and push him off of me, and i yell at him to stop it. this makes him cry harder as he rolls on the floor.

i calm down and come back and try to hug him. he pushes me away and wants to roll on the floor. i keep trying to get his boots on so he can go outside - i can do the sweater later - but he kicks them off and i can't get them on his feet. i keep explaining, over and over, "put on your boots, then you can go outside", as the communication instructor had taught us over the webinar a few months ago. i use minimal words. i hold the boots against the door so he will hopefully understand.

he doesn't.

tv is playing loudly in the background as i desperately try to calm him down. eventually i walk away. nothing i do is helping. he calms down on his own and watches tv. i sit here crying, alone, wondering how i'm supposed to do this for the rest of our lives.

edit: yes we are in ot, speech, etc. It's exhausting and doesnt improve things overnight, but sincerely ty for asking, i know youre trying to help but we have done all the things and this is just life right now....