Doubt and Endless Questioning

Hi y'all- I'm 22, and have been grappling with some sort of identity crisis since age 10. My discomfort is far from constant, but it is something that hasn't left me, and something that causes me a great deal of frustration. Some days I really wish I could just do a trial run of HRT, but it's never something I feel certain enough to jump on. I'm sure this isn't uncommon, but I feel too cis to transition, but too discomforted to be happy. I am sinking back into some unhealthy patterns with my sexuality, and I just find myself tired again of this little cycle. I know this is a ramble, but I've never shared anything like this before, and I'd love to hear from people about any trajectories or stories of your messy path to where you are today. :)