My dog was killed by a truck in front of me 2 weeks ago

Trigger: gore

I keep replaying the accident and I feel like it’s important to write it out. Me and my two dogs were headed to the dog park. It was a last minute decision, it closed at 7:20 and we were headed out around 6:50pm. It only takes about 10 minutes to get there. They were in their trailer, it’s a toddler trailer I altered to be more sturdy and safe for them.

They both love their rides. My girl Winnie, she was a 5 year old husky chihuahua. A little daredevil, she loved standing at the edge to feel the wind in her fur. I kept this in mind when I rode. I looked back often, I took turns slow, slowed down for speed bumps. She was on a shorter seatbelt type leash instead of her brother who was on a regular less secure leash since he is not an escape artist + he loves laying down for all his rides.

She stands over top of him. I was crossing a crosswalk, slowly in front of a busy neighborhood. We were in the crosswalk, when a tow truck comes fast up the road. I start braking. Surely he sees us, he sees we are here. He has plenty of time to stop. He doesn’t stop!

He didn’t stop. He went full speed around the corner like we weren’t there. Time feels like it’s slowing down, I don’t freak out, I just swerve right to avoid his truck because he nearly hits ME as I’m slamming on my brakes. I make it safely to the sidewalk which is only like 3 feet in front of me.

I look back and my trailer is gone. My dogs are gone. Where are they? Winnie is laying on the ground. I don’t even know what I’m seeing at this point and I just run to her. I forgot about my other dog. Winnie was on the ground, unresponsive. Her stomach was lacerated open, I’m processing what I’m seeing and realize not only is her stomach open, her organs are falling out and there was her unprocessed dog food on the ground by her.

That image sticks with me. Her eyes were open, I’m calling her name. I stroke her cheek. They go dull. She looked scared and in shock. My poor girl, she was disemboweled. I don’t know if the harness lacerated her, if the trailer caught her lead, if a collar would have made a difference? Would it just have injured her neck or worse instead? What if I put the cover up zipped? Would it just have taken the whole trailer then?

I was just screaming her name and to call 911. She passed in probably less than a minute maybe 30 seconds. Passerby made me cover her body. I wanted to just cover her torso but they made me cover her face. Her face was ok, it wasn’t hurt. I just wanted to sit by her more and give her a kiss and hold her. I was so scared for her.

Winnie was my world. Her brother was ok, somehow it took just her. I think it took her, ripped the bar out that secured both dogs and released my other dog. He was in shock staring at us just sitting there. We safely got him out of the crosswalk and he is mostly fine now. I’m so grateful it wasn’t both.

I keep replaying it. What if I just didn’t go? What if I totally didn’t cross, or I over corrected to go further right even though it would have put me more into traffic? What if I didn’t correct at all and it just hit my bike instead? Or if I put Winnie on a different leash, not a secure seatbelt harness, or if she was on a breakaway collar instead?

I’ve had a hard time eating meat and things just remind me of her lying there. Looking at dog food is hard, luckily dogs don’t trigger me cause I work with them. But blood or especially coming across roadkill absolutely triggers me. I start dissociating sometimes and eating is a trigger.

One of the most difficult aspects is how quickly she was gone. We were happily riding to the dog park, she was there enjoying her ride. And then she was on the ground, impossible to save even if a team of surgeons was there with tools ready. I had a minute or less to say goodbye, I don’t even know if she heard or saw me. What did she experience? How much pain was she in? She didn’t deserve that.

I’m just full of anger and upset and rage. At the driver and also at myself for not being able to stop it. My first thought when I saw her on the ground was she had been knocked down, I would get her to the vet and she would recover. Then I saw the extend of the injuries and I knew I didn’t have that chance. It was time to say goodbye. I don’t know what to do. I still don’t understand what even happened to cause her injuries. She wasn’t crushed. She was lacerated. I don’t understand.