an open letter/rant

Dear fellow Truscum, MedTrans, et al.:

I’ve been observing this community for a while and I agree largely with the viewpoint that in order to be trans, there needs to be an element of dysphoria or a perceived need to transition in some way.

I’m not writing because I agree with you. I’m writing because I see a lot of spinning of wheels and not a lot of actual progress.

Sadly, I’m pretty sure that I have a significant generational, as well as perspective difference between a lot of you. I’m hoping that you still will listen.

Before anything can change, either within yourself or in your relationships with others, the first thing you need to do is understand where you are and where you want to be. Without those critical bits of information, you are yelling into a void. If your intent is to yell into the void, be honest with yourself, and others, about that.

Once you’ve figured out where you are and where you want to be, you have to figure out who you’re communicating with. I’ve seen a lot of moral grandstanding here, and in other forums on the internet. That’s only going to cause people to retreat to their corners and harden their position. If you want to be the engine of positive change, you’re going to have to unfuck yourself and start listening to understand instead of listening to reply. It’s the same shit the tucutes are doing and it’s a glorious clusterfuck all the way around.

My recommendation is to sit down, face to face, and talk with someone that is in that orbit. No texting, no emojis, no meme warfare. You’re going to have to get your hands dirty. Talk with them and ask to be listened to and listen in kind. Take notes, ask insightful questions. We don’t need another Cold War over gender identity, transness and gatekeeping. Life’s shitty enough as it is, we don’t need to go borrowing any more problems.

If you’re unwilling to listen to the other side, why should they listen to you?

If you want personal advice based on a situation, hit me up in a DM. I’m willing to help if you’re willing to put in the work. I’ve got enough professional and personal experience dealing with sticky issues that I can likely help a good bit.

Good luck out there.

\-Darci

Trans Woman