Has anyone had luck with praying/meditating to TF?
It’s been close to a year on my journey and recently I’ve been starting to find peace and fill my heart with self-love/forgiveness and hope for myself. However, this journey has been lonely and intense to say the least. I am giving up hope that I can make amends and try to talk to TF. I feel lost and hope others can offer insight or advice. We are NC right now and I’m hoping the practice of praying and meditating would ease the anger and betrayal she feels for me. I would give anything to have a conversation or a chance at closure. We would try telepathic exercises when we were together by guessing a color that the other person was thinking. I wasn’t open with my heart and soul then and I had a hard time focusing on the exercise. So now that my heart feels more open and fuller, I have been trying to send her my love and positive thoughts through meditating/praying. I have no idea if it is working but it honestly helps with processing emotions because it feels like somehow she is listening.
For the past few months, I have tried to communicate with her telepathically as I sit with a lit candle. My TF used to make candles (I hope she still does) and she would present them as gifts to me. The intention of the exercise is focusing on sending unconditional love and positive regard as I speak these truths, hoping somehow she can receive my emotions and feel the love that I feel intensely for her. I was hoping she would dream of me and remember the positive moments we had together or feel the guilt and emotions that I have been accepting since her departure. (Wishful thinking right?) I feel like I’ve lived many lifetimes since she has left and I miss her dearly. Either she is my future or my greatest life lesson, I really don’t know if I can truly love anyone else. I haven’t gone on a single date or gotten someone else’s number since she left. She really set the standard for what it is to be an amazing and beautiful soul.
The reason for this post now is because I have been feeling her intensely these last few months and it should have gotten easier as time has passed, right? Some days my heart and mind would find some sense of peace and other days, intense emotions and thoughts of her would occur. I have been putting my life on hold for the past year, because I feel like I have to atone and feel intense empathy for what has happened. I don’t want to move on and feel like she is an unfinished chapter of my life, but I don’t know what else to do. I will keep up my momentum, in hopes for a chance at reconnection. I need to respect the NC but damn, I wish I could see her and give her a warm embrace, one last time. Thanks for reading!