Both my worst and funniest experience

So, the night was going fine, Friday and "busy". I pick up from a corner because the riders are drunk and dropped the pin "nearby". They walk out and get in, guy and girl, and basically ignore me. Ok fine, no problem. The guy is carrying leftovers in a bag.

I drive off and this guy, while buckled in, lays all the way across the back seat and lays his head in her lap, while telling her "she didn't mean nothing, you know I love you..." Etc, you get the idea. He screwed up. Btw, she's paying for the Uber, so this guy is full-on classy.

Ride goes without a hitch. This guy has been rolling around on the seat, buckled in, the whole way, but other than that, no issues. They thank me, get out, and go on with their night doing whatever.

I go grab my next ride. Guy and a girl, coworkers. Apparently the girl is switching jobs, and tonight was the farewell celebration. They are in good spirits, confirm the dropoffs (multi-stop, I never care) and off we go. They are being chummy, having a good time, first stop is 20 minutes, so there's time to unwind from the celebration. Half way in, the guy says "I just wanted to tell you, I love you more than my girlfriend." Silence. Dead silence. For the rest of the ride. She gets dropped off first, and as she walking up the driveway, she just starts peeing herself. Like, "fuck it, I already started, full send" peeing herself.

I'm like.. fuck... I need to make sure she didn't start in the car... So I make a note to check my seats after the ride.

The guy asks if I think he blew it with her, I'm like... Dude, you just told her you find women replaceable when something better comes along. Pray she doesn't remember any of this.

Drop the guy off, pull up the road a bit and park next to a well lit apartment building. I get out, open the back door, and guys.... My seat is COVERED in what looks like vomit. Surprise! It's a weird chicken curry that smelled REALLY sweet. Lovely. Report it to Uber, they gave me $20 for cleaning fees. GFY kindly. It took 6 HOURS to clean it properly so I didn't soak the foam. Should have just said it was vomit, lesson learned.

As I'm looking at this carnage, a Ford focus pulls up, and a 90 year old man gets out in a security outfit, shining a maglight he can barely lift at me. I go "I promise I'm not here for the building, I was just staring in horror at what a customer did..."

He points his light in my back seat, and I shit you not, he goes " what kind of animal would do that!" At which point I just cracked up. The delivery was perfect in the moment.

I drove home, parked and just went inside. I'd had enough for the night.

Tell me your funny/horrifying stories. To all who are coming here to say " that's the WORST you've had?" Yup, pretty tame, I know, but that's the worst experience I've had in almost 6500 rides. I'm blessed.