Don't worry if you fuck up your first year

Hey! Resident graduating student. I've seen a lot of posts on this subreddit to the effect of "Oh god, I did bad in \[course xyz\], is my chance at grad school fucked? Am I stupid? Am I a unfit for my degree if I WD from a course?"

I really get these concerns; at UW, a lot of people excel, and they're willing to show off their excellence. I don't blame them for this at all, when you do something well, it's natural to be proud and to want to share it! At the same time, for people who have struggled, it can be unbelievably demoralizing to hear about people's successes when it feels like you're just barely treading water. I have a lot to say about this - most people who are successful are also struggling and just don't show it, people curate what they show off, while you see yourself all the time (including at your worst), and above all else, *some people will be good at things you're not good at*, but all of this advice is repeated ad-nauseum. What I'd like to do instead is talk about how I did, and where I am now

1A: 59.8 CAV, failed 2 courses, put on academic probation. Major depression.

4B: 87.5 CAV, taken 3 graduate level classes (enrolled in 2 more), admitted to all Master's programs I applied to with excellent funding, very high average in 4th year PMATH courses. One research term which resulted in a paper.

It wasn't like after 1A I started acing everything, either - I've gotten 70s in several math courses since, even in terms where I was only doing 3 courses, I've had to WD, I've failed midterms, and I've *struggled* with courses, even ones I did well in. I haven't failed a course since my 1A, but I have done many reduced courseload terms to avoid failling again.

Success is not a binary, and your natural talent isn't the biggest determining factor in how you do. It is absolutely possible to become an exceptional student, and failing a class doesn't make you stupid. Work your hardest, and be willing to admit when you're being inefficient, or when you need help. You can always improve, and the work of improving is incredibly valuable - I'm so good at learning math and struggling math, precisely because I *was* awful at it, and have now gotten to a point where I am exceptional at it. I have learned *how to learn*, and that process is more valuable than any individual piece of mathematics I've picked up. If you're willing to learn that, you will be able to succeed, no matter how you're doing now <3