I've been vegan for more than 8 weeks and I am still not dead. HELP! What am I doing wrong?

I've been suicidal for most of my life, but never brave enough to actually do it. Around 3 months ago I saw [this](https://imgur.com/a/R2GiQfH) meme. According to it, if I am vegan for 8 weeks I should die. This was like a light in the dark, so of course I took the advice and became vegan. It just seemed like the easiest way to go.

But now, I've been vegan for more than 8 weeks and I am still not dead. I am starting to get worried. Did this meme lie to me?

I have been eating the average vegan diet:

* Breakfast - 250g grass and 1 cup of water + B12 supplement (of course) * Lunch - 500g tofu and 7 cups of soy milk * Dinner - 3 cups of piss

I seriously don't know what I am doing wrong. Am I eating too little soy?

This is probably a bad place to ask for advice since most of you are probably new vegans. But do you have any stories about family members or friends who have gone vegan and died? What did they eat/do? I am getting desperate here.

Any advice helps :)