I am in the worst mental state Ive ever been in

I recently joined the army and have just gotten to ait. Now for a hot minute both before and during basic training i had been doing pretty good, with a few exceptions that i just pushed off and kept going. I've gone 3 weeks of ait so far and today it felt like the years of just shrugging off whatever what bothering me finally is starting to catch up and i have never wanted to harm someone else as badly as i have now. Its not directed at any one person, just to everything and everyone. I desperately want an excuse to let all my pent up anger go. So much anger, sadness, despair, disappointment, rage, and a whole host of emotions that I've learned to lock away and control have bubbled up to the surface and this whole day ive felt just so unbearably angry and have just wanted to break something. Luckily ive simmered down a good bit.

It was so maddening knowing that i cant talk to anyone about this because im in a profession were saying you want to beat someone till there face looks like a police siren would get me in serious trouble. Im nearing the edge of my metaphorical cliff and I just want to be able to steb back and stop for a while. Unfortunately I just dont see a way i could ever do that and I'm losing my fucking mind over here.

Thanks for letting me shout into the void for a sec. I know this doesn't really help me in anyway but its still a little nice to allow myself to say some of my feelings instead of stick em in a lock box deep within my soul, like im forced too