life is a goddamn shit hole

i feel like my life has genuinely become even more shittier than it normally is oh my fucking god.

my day started off fine until i found out my boyfriend stayed up late and talked to our friends in a group chat (us, his brother, 2 of our online friends) without me, i shrugged it off because yk he can stay up late and talk to our friends, idrc if he does, but then i saw they were planning to call while one of our friends rebuilt his lego f1 helmet and i got upset because my boyfriend didn't think to ask if the call could happen another day since i get bad anxiety when missing out, the call never actually happened but what upset me was him not informing them of my bad anxiety (and yes i know i could do it myself, and i did actually, but i was asleep at the time and couldn't)

after all that was over and i talked to my boyfriend and we apologised to each other, me and my two online friends also in that gc made a separate gc on discord and had fun calling, at some point it was just me and the friend i met first/i'm really close with and i had to end the call early because my parents were yelling at each other and it was overwhelming me a lot, that and my youngest sister wasn't giving me space despite my visible stress

once all of that was over i messaged my boyfriend in hopes i could've vented to him only to be told he was watching supercars and that he wouldn't be done for another half an hour, i even said to him that i really needed to talk to someone so then i don't bottle it up, but he basically said to me that i have to wait since he wants to lock in on the sport, and tbh i've never felt more alone and more unloved by him 🙁

i spent a while playing roblox by myself to calm down and while it did work, my anxiety kicked in when my parents started yelling at each other again, i put on one of my fav albums to try and help more but then my dad came in and told me to call the cops since my mum was threatening to end her life, only to be told i don't actually have to call them???

i don't fucking know anymore but holy fuck i want this feeling to end, i can't even go on a walk since a) it's too windy and b) my siblings want me to stay home and i feel like i have to