50% of my guest list is not coming. My reflections on my disappointment mixed with my relief.
Our RSVP deadline was this past Sunday and for the last few weeks, my fiance and I have been in RSVP collection mode. Our closest and dearest family and friends RSVP'd fast and early, and over time we'd get excited over who was coming, and get bummed to get a decline. All of our vendors mentioned that we'd probably have roughly one third of our guests decline. We were totally okay with that. We budgeted for all 180 people to come, and could pay for that. But understood this is the state of things.
I guess my disappointment started to arise when people started declining in droves, or we had to start reaching out to people to get their RSVPs. Friends that I have stood by for a long time, that I made the effort to go to their weddings and showers, couldn't come. Friends and family who told me that they'd be there when they got the Save the Date... now declined. Family who were offended by being vaccinated or asked to procure a negative test. We made our guest list during Covid, and of course through that relationships changed. My graduate school mentors, who considered me family in 2020, ghosted me on a response. The gentle nudging through texts and DMs to friends that "we're trying to get a headcount" ... with still no response past the RSVP date. Family friends who only talk to my parents, even though I've tried to reach out to them directly... still to be in limbo about whether they can come or not. As of Sunday, except for a few special cases, I've just assumed they are all declining.
In some ways, I am grateful. I feel that the people who are going truly care about us. I hate to use the phrase "you really know who your friends are" because I feel like there is an edge to it. But still there's some truth to it, even though I understand some reasons are due to travel, money, etc. I know that by having a smaller guest count, I will also get to spend more meaningful time with every person there.
My relief also stems from the fact that we are also saving quite a bit of money that we can now put towards our future together. Not having to buy more fancy tablecloths and dozens of cupcakes. It relieves some stress of worrying about where to seat people, the length of time it will take for people to get through the buffet, and the number of floral arrangements. All trivial, I know, but probably pretty relatable in this sub lol.
At the end of the day, it will be a beautiful devotion of love that I'm happy to share with whomever can attend.