Six months and change, still can’t sleep.

I’ve stopped counting the days now, for what that’s worth.

I’m preparing to move out of the home we lived in together for ten years across the country to my shitty hometown. The sky broke with thunder and lightening and rain yesterday as the photos for the listing were being taken, and no electronics worked last night for me, for no identifiable reason. Is he still around? Is he angry I’m moving away? Will he ever make himself known to me again?

I think about never being in this bathroom he died in and my whole being feels like it’s being ripped to pieces. Everyone tells me how great I’m doing. I can’t imagine doing worse. Are they blind? Do I have to immolate myself before they understand?