A year and change

It’s been a year and some days since my husband unexpectedly died. I feel so so very much worse. I was convinced to move across the country away from my friends, my house and job to a more demanding job in a high cost of living area. My dad, who came to help in the aftermath and acted so monstrously that I had no choice but to stop talking to him, died a few months ago and I moved in with my mom along with our young child. We now live in his room.

I cannot help but feel that I have failed at life. I no longer like or am proud of the person I am. I have no one I can speak to and have not had the time to address physical health issues with a professional, let alone mental, though my child and I were in counseling prior to moving to this city. I slept less than six hours since Sunday and started smoking again. I drink too much and don’t know if I care to stop. There are too many tasks for me to complete than I am able to. I know I can’t sustain this.

I don’t know what my point is really. I guess I am asking for help, though I have no idea what that would be.