I am suffering and nothing can help me

Save for my wife coming back alive. Every second hurts. Eyes burning from constant tears. Without her I am alone in this world, tortured, battered. No matter how supportive the people around me are, I’m still alone. Lost my appetite this morning. Bored to hell with life. Don’t wanna grow older than her, and I (33m) have 5 years to go. I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t even want to do anything. Even browsing this sub starting to feel pointless, I’m sorry everyone. Our life shouldn’t be like this. She was supposed to grow old with me until we both die of age.

To my lovely wife and best friend Renee, I’m sorry.