Tomorrow's her 40th day of death

She believed that souls disappear from this world on the 40th day. This means tomorrow she won't be able to give me signs again. Tomorrow her death is complete. I don't believe in things like this, but it doesn't matter. What matters is that she believed.

Today's very hard for me. I cried holding her bundled-up clothes that she wore during her death. If there's indeed a higher power, I'll never forgive them for taking her away. Life without her isn't a life at all. It's torture. I wanna leave everything and just stay alone. Nothing matters anymore. My career, my family, my wealth, they're worthless. Fuck everything.

Was she grateful during her short life with me? Did our small family make her feel fulfilled? Were there any regrets, any resentments that she hadn't told me? Was she truly happy? I don't know and I'll never know because she's dead.