New Year's Blues

Anyone else feeling extra sad because of the new year? I'm three years out and within the last year I decided to change some patterns. I started exercising, eating better and journaling and doing breathwork and stuff that is supposed to help with your mental health and I actually feel so much better? Like the grief is less heavy and not controlling me. I feel like I have so much more energy and I have lost 70lbs so far and I'm so much more aware of my emotions, I have more hobbies, I'm learning more. All this said, I can't help but feel so sad because I wish my fiancé was here to witness this version of myself and it feels so much deeper now that it's the new year because I'm making new goals for myself and he's just not here... These goals don't include things we would do together and it just hurts a lot.

I've grown so much and it's like he loved me when I was at my heaviest and my most insecure and my most depressed, I'm sure he would've loved me even more now and would've rooted for me and encouraged me and I miss having him as my support system and I hate that he's not here to witness me grow into myself. But it's also at the same time, had I not lost him, I don't think I would have grown so much. Not that he was holding me back or anything but it took the worst moment of my life to break me open and force me into changing and it feels so bittersweet.

Anybody else feel anything similar to these vibes?