Extreme pain while being autistic… throw me a bone here.

So, I (34M) have autism and it has come to my attention that I don’t show pain in a way that most people expect.

I danced ballet professionally for almost 10 years. I have danced on broken toes, ripped off my own toenails and smiled through the whole thing.

Starting in March, I have needed “emergency surgery” to remove all four wisdom teeth. Their first consultation was in November. (Yes, 8 months after it was an “emergency”)

My 3 impacted and infected wisdom teeth trickled though my whole body. Rolling double ear infections, head colds, chest colds, constant nausea, 2 dozen doctors, 3 separate failed extractions and finally a bladder infection.

My husband went and threw his biggest bitch fit because the toenail thing is my 5, and I will show no pain. When I say “I’m at an 8”, and doctors are asking me why I’m sweaty or shaky, and I look them dead in the eyes and say “I am in fucking pain, I’ve been in pain for months!”

What also doesn’t help is that I’m generally a nice person. And am very eloquent. When I am overwhelmed it all goes out the window. I will destroy anyone in my way. I’m not pleasant to be around. My teeth had fused with my jaw around the nerve, and they attempted to remove them with LOCAL ANESTHESIA!! And I’m like, “oh, that hurts” no, bitch. I’m not feeling pressure. You’re literally yanking on my nerves.

So my usual method of “I’m in some pain” doesn’t work. And me saying, “I’m in fucking pain” seems to not translate. And me saying “Jesus fucking Christ, get these mother fuckers out of my head.” Sounds insane. And they’re telling me to take some Tylenol.. and I flatly say, “I think we’re past that?”

One of the surgeons who failed said “that wouldn’t work” when I said, “give me an ice skate and a coconut and I’ll take this shit out myself”.. that was his take away. I’m saying I will perform self surgery, and you’re fact checking me?

Anyway. Got the surgery from someone who isn’t a dick, all four at the same time about a week ago. (4 months of throwing up and not being able to eat or shower) And now, I think I have dry socket now. And again, when I say “I’m in fucking pain” no one is listening to me.

And the only person who will touch me is 2 hours away. And people apparently don’t have teeth on the weekend, so I have to wait until Monday.

I had 3 glorious days of no pain. All of which I was spitting up blood. Im not a bitch-baby. Not including toes, I’ve broken 11 bones. Including getting hit by a car and flung across 4 lanes of traffic with road rash over half my body. I took a single day off work after that accident. I’ve had anesthetic injected between broken bone pieces and manually set after falling 20 feet. I have relocated my own arm, multiple fingers and toes and gone on to lift dancers.

Why the ever living fuck is this so hard? What am I supposed to say? I don’t want to have to sic my neurotypical husband on these people. He knows my threshold. But I just don’t show it.